I should just get some balls (not literally). That would painful and not very lady like.
Why on earth can I tell random people where to stick it, but when it comes to those who I honestly care for, I can’t tell them anything. I'm this fucking rock. Void of true emotions. I can barely tell people anything. I’m all for seeing how they are, but how I feel is a totally different matter. I don't want to be protrayed as some basket case (even if thats what I am)
To clarify, I'm not so hyped up little girl just able to understand the actual meaning of 'love' (what ever that might be); I’m far from that.
Well, I hope I am.
Basically like most stories of heartache and misery there’s a stupid boy to found near by. And this story is no different. Though, this isn't a story, it's my life. Kind of like an action thriller but no a fairy tale. This story doesn't end up with the guy getting the girl and them living happily ever after. But then, does that ever really happen?
I'm no feminist, but I don't need a man to clarify my self worth. But trust me, sometimes I come a bit close to ringing him up, crying down the phone and whine out my eternal love for him.
Yikes.
Didn’t I do that last night?
Woops a daisy.
Though luckily I didn't start whining my eternal love for him (phew, yeah I really saved my dignity there didn't I). I just bawled my eyes out on the phone and I hardly spoke (if the snorting and whimping accounts for anything).
Like any proud big strong man would that to a women?! When was the last time your ex realised everything was a mistake and he calls you up to express his un-dying love for you? Hmmm? Maybe in four weddings and a funeral but it certainly didn't happen to me last night.
But to think I’m crawling back to someone, who cheated on me, lied to me, treated me like his skivvy and not to mention the two years we were together, us not ever venturing out together as a couple. Yes, that’s right. We never went out. Though I did ask him close to a billion times to come out. He never did. OR when he said he would. He'd cancel at the last minute, say he was staying in, and then go out with all these girls that fancied him. God only knows what they got up to.
I want to punish him so much. But I really can't. I still love him. Sadly. I'm thankfully not listening to the cliché heart broken love songs of Mariah Carey.
JUST YET.
Though we did break up over two months ago. I still think it was only a day ago. Not that he does. HA. He's now cheating on two girls. And yet it still feels like he cheating on me.
Woe is me, I think fucking not. But what can I do? Tell my friends? What good would that do? Talking about problems is totally overrated, hence why I’m here writing a Bridget Jones type of thing. But alas, if anyone did get this far, I’m sure his or her are close to suicide.
Ha
Good luck with that
